Are We There Yet?

That's the End of That

Well, now that's the end of that. 

US Department of State warning about Vietnam adoptions

Another door closed.

A List

A list of things going on around here, because it is January and my fingers are too cold to type much:

• LT is napping today.  After not napping for nearly a week, why today?  She got a lot of sleep last night.  I'll never figure it out.
• LT has been glued to MT's side since he came home on Friday.  He had pretty much been gone for two weeks, and it is obvious that she missed him.  I am rejoicing a little in some time without child right by my side at all times.
• I am taking the clutter by the horns around here.  Or something like that.  I spent Saturday cleaning and decluttering our office (primarily MT's work space) and setting up our new 2008 filing system and budget.  It feels like such an accomplishment to get started.  I know it is going to take time to fully declutter the other areas of my home that need it, but at least I am really truly getting started.
• MT is sick again.  And I was angry at him for being sick.  I know, I know, what a sympathetic wife, eh?  But seriously, he was recovering from ankle and shoulder injuries/surgeries this summer, hospitalized for a freak infection, and has already had about a zillion sinus infections this winter.  Get healthy dude.  He is currently in bed whimpering and shivering with fever.  Knowing our luck he has contracted some new virus that has not yet been seen in North America.
• We received I-171H approval on Friday for Vietnam.  Finally.  I have lousy fingerprints, and it took a long, long time.  Not sure how useful this approval will be if/when Vietnam and the US do not renew the MOU that allows for inter-country adoptions. 
• We have been shopping around for preschools, as LT will begin in the fall.  This topic probably merits its own post- as in wow some people sure take this really, really seriously.  No need to tell you about the father of a playmate insisting that Montessori school was the ticket to admission to an ivy league college.  We are leaning towards a lovely play-based school that LT can attend two days a week, and then still go to Mandarin lessons 1-2 times a week as well.
• We have another mouse.  I have used more bleach to clean with in the past few weeks than I care to admit.  Forget ivy league for LT, I have killed too many of her brain cells with the bleach fumes. 
• I need to start running again.  Somehow 6 degree weather does not motivate me to run, but the upcoming beach vacation is highly motivating.  The thought of donning a swimsuit is terrifying.

LT is still napping.  Must go use some more bleach before she wakes up....

Be Nice

Some times when I get tired (i.e. when MT deserts me for days and days on end), I find myself getting impatient with LT.  Sure, all mothers do this sometimes, right?  We all have our bad days.

Today I am really tired, and wanted LT to take a nap.  She is tired and a touch cranky, and I have a sitter coming tonight.  I want her to be well rested and happy - meaning easy for the sitter.  Anyway, she was screwing around in her room, and not napping.  I called in to her a couple of times to get back into bed and go to sleep.

The third time I heard a loud noise and went to check on her.  I was in motion to be short with her, maybe even raise my voice and tell her to get into bed and go to sleep NOW.  I was a little tornado rushing in to her room.

When I got into her room, she stopped me cold.  I had to pause and smile at my sweet, sweet girl.  She had lined up her favorite doll and stuffed animals on a pillow in her bed.  She had covered them with a blanket, and was patting them.  It was pretty darn cute.

The cuteness of it all slowed me down enough to make me change my tone.  I asked her to please get in bed and sleep with her friends.  And now she is fast asleep in bed just like the rest of her animals.

Playdate in Pictures by LT and Zelda

LT received one of these from her aunt for Christmas.  It is one of her favorite gifts.  She has asked me to pose and say "cheese!" nearly every day since Christmas.  It has been a hoot to see the pics she takes with the camera.  She ends up with a lot of pictures of her own feet.  Good thing she has some cute piggies.

Anyway, we had a playdate today with "the two little girls," and their mama.  LT was most interested in playing with ChicagoMama, and I think has a little crush on her.  At lunchtime she told C-Mama that she is "so cute."

LT and Zelda had a ball taking and posing for pictures with the pink camera.  They thoughtfully documented today's playdate for the Internet to enjoy.  So, enjoy!

A pic of my foot.

And of course LT's feet.

And a pic of LT taken by Zel.

And Zelda's foot - a self portrait.

A picture of me discussing the finer points of the Iowa caucus (Zelda's knees included as a bonus).

Zelda's knees.  Because enough with the feet pictures, right?

A picture of Chicago Mama.  I love her new haircut, don't you?

And one final pic of Zelda- taken by LT.

*PS- thanks to Mortimer's Mom for pointing out my error! 

Vacation Paralysis

This year is our 10th wedding anniversary.  My biggest wish is to take a family vacation.  LT is a fantastic traveler.  She is flexible, likes to eat out, has a long attention span, and is content to do just about anything as long as she is with Mama and Daddy.  She'll be three by the time we travel.

The drawback of my vacation dreams is that we only have one week to travel.  That's it- one week.  For a variety of reasons (too boring to discuss), this is non-negotiable.

So, our travel dreams do not jive with our travel reality.  So we're stuck.  We can't seem to agree on anything or plan anything.  And late May is not too far off.  I want to plan a trip!

Our top picks:

1. Beijing or Shanghai

2. Thailand

Reality: One week is just not enough time to travel to Asia, recover from jet lag and actually enjoy ourselves.

So after these picks, we can't seem to agree on anything.  Europe seems too expensive since the dollar is so weak.  All I can conjure up about Mexico is tequila and Tiajuana.  I don't know where to go in the Carribean.  Canada seems to cold.  Staying in the US seems, well, kind of ho-hum for a big anniversary celebration.

What to do?  Where to go?  Anyone have ideas?  Resources?  A great book or web site?  A great trip that won't absoultely break the bank?  Because we don't want to spend a billion dollars on this trip, but I'm also not so down with extreme "budget" travel.

Help.

The Potty is Bringing Me Down

This potty thing has me tired.  Really tired.  It's not going very well at all, which leads me to believe that LT is not ready.  On top of the potty thing I am desperately trying to gain control of my house and laundry.  I fear I am losing this battle.

When LT woke up yesterday morning, she was beyond thrilled to put on her fabulous Dora panties.  I dressed her in fleece on top, fleece socks, and just panties (and turned up the heat!).  We sat on the potty every 10-15 minutes.  I read books, we sang songs, we played games.  She peed in her panties moments after we would get off the potty and resume  some activity.  And inevitably she would pee if I looked away for 1.2 seconds.  The kid is a stealth pee-er.

Moments before accident #4, she looked at me, started to cry, and wailed, "peeeee potttyyyyy."  And the pee rushed forth all over her new booster seat and kitchen floor.  On the bright side, the floor is hardwood which makes cleanup a breeze.  But really it was just so sad as it was apparent that LT was getting increasingly anxious and upset by this potty business.

After dinner I was determined to end the day on a positive note.  We pumped her full of fluids, and MT joined us in the bathroom for eight rousing rounds of "Wheels on the Bus" and 16 rounds of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" in Mandarin.  Six books later, LT was having a blast, but still no pee.  Finally she jumped up and got a funny look on her face.  I sat her back down.  She did it again.

It was at this point that I realized that LT wants to pee and poop standing upright.  And is afraid, nervous- some sort of emotion, I don't know- about using the potty. 

LT finally ended up peeing on the potty and we cheered!  And she cried.  We called both grandmas and told them.  She was nonplussed.  She practically hugged her diaper at bedtime.  I have never seen a kid so excited to put on a diaper.

I'm thinking that perhaps we're not as ready as I thought.  At this point I can push it, or back off.  I'm giving it one more day, but I think it might be wise to back off for a while.  I can't help but feel like I'm the one who failed here.  I don't want to push her or create some defecation power struggle.  And I don't want her to feel like she did something wrong. 

I spoke to a few experienced parents yesterday about the PT issue.  They all had varying advice and experiences, which led me to the conclusion that PT is as individual as each child.  My child is shy and fearful of change...this might take a little while for her. 

Education Shmeducation

A few weeks ago I spent an evening with a family who also have a daughter adopted from China.  We were chatting about this and that, and I mentioned that I had a baptism to attend the next day.  The mom then proceeded to reminisce about her daughter's baptism, and shared that she had her (Chinese) daughter's baptismal dress made to look like a kimono.  I thought she had misspoke, so I asked, "did you say kimono?"  And yes, she meant to say kimono. 

This is a well-educated family who own a small business.  They are kind, loving, and very welcoming of their hearts and home.  But when it comes to awareness of their daughter's race or interest in her culture - they clearly are on a different page than me.  They take their kids to Epcot every year and visit "China," and bring home traditional Chinese "kimonos" for all the kids to wear.  And I suppose that is all OK (who am I to judge?), but I wonder what their daughter is going to think of her baptismal kimono when she is older? 

This conversation really got me thinking about pre-adoption education.  This family adopted their daughter from China using the same adoption agency that we used.  We went through the same (or at least similar) pre-adoption training.  I assume we were given the same information, as we attended some of the same classes at our agency.  Initially I came away with a high level understanding of what it might mean to be a transracial family.  It was just a start, but the pre-adoption education at the very least clued me in about issues of race, racism and development of racial identity.  The classes also motivated me to learn more - from sources other than my agency.  I'll be the first to admit that the training was NOT exhaustive of all the issue that should be covered, but it at least got me headed in the right direction.

How is it that we sat in the same room, yet heard the information so differently?  And whose responsibility is it to make sure that adoptive parents are really 'getting it?'  And what would an agency do anyway - turn away PAPs who want to adopt a "China doll?"  I can't help but think that there should be a formal exam for pre-adoptive parents that covers the issues that really matter, not just what to pack and what the food will be like in China.  How is it that most pre-adoptive parents adopting from China all seem to know about p*ackmates, the Wh*ite S*wan, and the right meds to take along, but PAPs are not asked to articulate their plan to help their child navigate life as a Chinese kid with white family? 

This issue has been top of mind as we plod along with our adoption from Vietnam.  The agency we were first involved with had few education requirements, if any.  It was yet another clue that something was amiss. 

The agency we ended up using for the adoption has extensive pre-adoption education requirements.  And I have to admit to groaning a little bit when I received a powerpoint presentation and DVD in the mail last week. Along with this presentation was a lengthy list of books and classes that are required prior to referral. I even have to do a couple of book reports.

I tried to stop rolling my eyes and acting like a know-it-all-been-there-done-that-adoptive-parent as I sat down to read the presentation.  And you know what?  I was pleasantly surprised.  Sure there was the requisite information about traveling and orphanage conditions etc., but there was also an entire section on becoming a transracial family.  And much to my surprise, the message of the presentation was right on.  The agency talked about racial identity of transracial adoptees, and how racial identity is formed through meaningful relationships - not books, or dolls, or movies.  Among other things, they encouraged families to evaluate their lifestyle, make friends of color, and seek out positive role models.

So there it is in black type for all PAPs at our agency to read.  Now whose responsibility is it to make sure we all take this seriously?

Happy New Year!

Happy 2008! 

Call me a sap, but I love the stereotypical new year's traditions.  I love the idea of a fresh start, new beginnings, a second chance.  The new year always feels hopeful to me.  I can put aside the insanity of the prior year - the ups, the downs - and start over.  Every 365 days I have the opportunity to really try to be the person I imagine I'd like to be.

Along with the new year, comes resolutions.  I've never been a big believer in setting resolutions and announcing them to the world.  But secretly I set a few anyway and use them to guide my own actions.

LT has been introduced to the idea of the new year...with a new potty!  And a new Elmo potty DVD!  And special feel n' learn D*ora pull-ups!  Exciting times around here.  Yesterday she brought me a changing pad, diaper and wipes and asked me to change her diaper after she pooped.  Me thinks it's time to start potty training.

I'm off to wipe away all traces of Christmas cheer from our home and dig out from the toy overload.  Happy New Year!